No title for jumbled thoughts

well things are just ducky. (SIGH)
Nicki and Aaron have bought a house! yay for them, really. This means I will have a spot in the garage for good, and a new room to move into.
Dance class, level 3 started yesterday. That was an eye opener. I have always known that I am NOT coordinated and was ok with that. Trying to dance and move around a pole in boots like that made me feel retarded. I swear I hit my head on the pole at one point. But still be positive, 5 more classes and a new determination to strengthen my core and legs. I swear that I will use the weights and do the floor routine as best I can. (really)
Sometimes I hate being a girl and having my hormones screwed up royally every month. This month I have been really lamenting the fact that Nicki and I don't have a relationship as sisters. I can't even remeber the last time we were alone together and talked. We have moved away from being sisters that fought over everything to being sisters that can live together with out ever actually be together ( and not in a wierd twisted way, but like how I see other families that get along well enough to be improtant to each other) I truly feel that if I hadn't expressed my intent to go to Germany and be there for her wedding, Nicki would have said well thats too bad, but oh well one less person to worry about, and not really feel like anything would have been missing. I felt that it was important to go and be there for her. I also thought that if Nicki were to ever get married, I would get to be apart of things and be there for her like a sister should. Right now I just ffeel like I did when I was younger and really left out of everything. Like always. I understood with Matt, when he got married to Sandy, because she didn't really know me that she didn't include me more in the whole thing. And I suppose that is the issue here with Nicki, I'm not sure she really knows me enough to tust me with this whole thing. Even just to talk about it, I know that planning a wedding is very personal and difficult enough, with out doing it in another country, but to just share her plans and ideas, just to be included a little would make my day. ( and look now i'm crying so I think I need to stop here.)

#50, an update

So the 50th post brings with it a new placement, at CNIB, slightly warmer weather than the last post and a good feeling.
The placement is going well, though its only been 1 day.
The fact that it's still winter outside, but that you won't freeze in 5 minutes makes it bearable.
The good feeling is that I don't feel like a fat cow. The dance classes are well worth the money and I am hearing that I look good from everyone. Plus on thursday I get to wear my new boots and be all sexy!
So eat your heart out Chris, you missed your shot, po'baby! ( and not just him all the others who missed out on a great thing!)
BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (demonic laughter)

Boys are stupid and mean and petty and smelly and.....(you get my drift!?!)

you know I think that boys are stupid and somehow, no matter what I try to do I end up with regection.
that seems to be my word for today, regection.
I had finally gotten back in to being on Lava, and lo and behold, here's Chris, an Electrical Enginering student (whatever that means) at the University. Lots in common with each other and he was cute in a geeky nice kind of way.
well we chatted and sent e-mails and then he writes that the next week or so is really busy but that he'd like to meet me after, sure ok. I can understand that, a masters program must be really busy.
And then nothing. I tried really hard to even really worry about it or tell anyone, because Murphys law, as soon as I say something it goes up in flames.
Turns out its just me, not even if I say anything at all.
I go the "nicest" its not you its me regection e-mail today.
DAmn it all, he dumpded me before I got a chance to bone him!
I am going to delete everything from lava. Its not working out for me there.