well things are just ducky. (SIGH)
Nicki and Aaron have bought a house! yay for them, really. This means I will have a spot in the garage for good, and a new room to move into.
Dance class, level 3 started yesterday. That was an eye opener. I have always known that I am NOT coordinated and was ok with that. Trying to dance and move around a pole in boots like that made me feel retarded. I swear I hit my head on the pole at one point. But still be positive, 5 more classes and a new determination to strengthen my core and legs. I swear that I will use the weights and do the floor routine as best I can. (really)
Sometimes I hate being a girl and having my hormones screwed up royally every month. This month I have been really lamenting the fact that Nicki and I don't have a relationship as sisters. I can't even remeber the last time we were alone together and talked. We have moved away from being sisters that fought over everything to being sisters that can live together with out ever actually be together ( and not in a wierd twisted way, but like how I see other families that get along well enough to be improtant to each other) I truly feel that if I hadn't expressed my intent to go to Germany and be there for her wedding, Nicki would have said well thats too bad, but oh well one less person to worry about, and not really feel like anything would have been missing. I felt that it was important to go and be there for her. I also thought that if Nicki were to ever get married, I would get to be apart of things and be there for her like a sister should. Right now I just ffeel like I did when I was younger and really left out of everything. Like always. I understood with Matt, when he got married to Sandy, because she didn't really know me that she didn't include me more in the whole thing. And I suppose that is the issue here with Nicki, I'm not sure she really knows me enough to tust me with this whole thing. Even just to talk about it, I know that planning a wedding is very personal and difficult enough, with out doing it in another country, but to just share her plans and ideas, just to be included a little would make my day. ( and look now i'm crying so I think I need to stop here.)
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2 comments:
Internet hug.
Maybe you should bring this up with Nikki. Start with an statement of "we live together but I miss you. Let's do lunch." Even foot the bill. It's a nice gesture.
I understand how you feel. I lost touch with Con when we were teenagers and my parents separated. I now feel like we are getting closer but there is still a lot of distance to cover.
It takes time and effort. Hang in there.
I bet Nikki may feel much the same as you do, but doesn't know how to breech the subject.
I love you, my sister
I just reread my post. My thoughts are grossly disjointed. I'm sure you can derive my meaning from them though.
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